Weekly Report #06: My Dog Saved My Life
You are not alone
It’s Tuesday and we’re R.E.P.O.R.T-ing live so let’s dive in, shall we? Here’s everything I’m Reading, Eating, Playing with, Obsessing over, Recommending and/or Treating myself to this week!
Obsessing Over - Magnolia Home x Loloi Rugs Machine Washable Rugs
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I’ve been in the market for a new living room rug for about six months now. I’ve had my eye on a few from Ruggable (I have a runner in my kitchen from them that I love) but the sticker shock was a bit real on the larger sizes.
After seeing some positive reviews on the Loloi Rugs on socials, I pulled the trigger on this one and could not be happier with the purchase. I’ll be sure to update if anything changes, but for now the quality, variety and price are all getting a perfect 10!
Recommending - Musher’s Secret Paw Balm
If your dog is anything like mine (and my current foster, Connie), then you know the struggle that is winter and trying to get boots on them. My dog, Kirk, doesn’t mind boots but they always go flying once we get into the park or trails. The rubber balloon style ones always tend to rip and once we step on any ice and salt, the poor guy will get burnt and painful paws.
Paw Balm is the only brand I’ve found that works to protect his feet without wearing boots. Rub a little on his paws before we go out and it does a great job at protecting from the salt touching his paw pads and folds for ~45 minute walk.
Reading - The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris
Added this to my TBR pile a while ago and got a chance to read it over the past week while I was house and dog-sitting for my Dad. I really enjoyed the thriller-esque storyline and the writing, I highly recommend!
[Synopsis] Twenty-six-year-old editorial assistant Nella Rogers is tired of being the only Black employee at Wagner Books. Fed up with the isolation and microaggressions, she’s thrilled when Harlem-born and bred Hazel starts working in the cubicle beside hers. They’ve only just started comparing natural hair care regimens, though, when a string of uncomfortable events elevates Hazel to Office Darling, and Nella is left in the dust.
Then the notes begin to appear on Nella’s desk: LEAVE WAGNER. NOW.
It’s hard to believe Hazel is behind these hostile messages. But as Nella starts to spiral and obsess over the sinister forces at play, she soon realizes that there’s a lot more at stake than just her career.
Trigger Warning for this week’s feature post for talks of suicide and self-harm. If this type of content isn’t supportive to where you are in your mental health journey at this time, please skip it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please know that there is help available. Call or text 9-8-8. Bilingual support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week through the 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline. For other specific supports, tools and resources, reach out here.
You are not alone 🤍
My Dog Saved My Life
[My journal entry from December 30th 2023]
Kirk saved my life tonight.
I couldn’t stop crying as the intrusive thoughts felt like they were finally winning. Bringing me further and further down underground, so dark, cold and alone; Isolated from the life I wanted to love. So I just let myself cry. No justification, no excuse, no blaming it on a ‘sad show’ or hormones. I just cried.
And then I wondered how many pills of mine I should take to make it all stop. I stopped short, about to pick up my phone to check for dosage information, when Kirk was suddenly beside me.
I don’t remember him sitting on the bed when I started to cry. I don’t remember him coming into the room at all. But I can’t shake the deep eye contact he made with me in that moment. I started thinking that maybe I had finally lost it.
Never one to comfort me as I cry to movies or sad songs, Kirk crawled close to me allowing the weight of his body to sink into mine as he sat beside me. The warmth of his body quickly soothed mine and with his paws spread out on my thighs, he placed his head down and settled in. All while maintaining eye contact with me.
I’ve spent the last seven years with Kirk so I can say almost for certain, that this was not his ‘give me treats’ or ‘I need to pee’ look. This was him seeing how much pain I was in and wanting to help me in some way. He just sat like this while I cried, watching over me. He eventually raised his head off his paws just to lick my cheeks, wiping away tears in the process.
It was that moment that I thought of Kirk needing me. Of him being alone after I had taken my own life. I thought of him being scared or sad or of him needing me to just get up and I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, relent. The thought that no one would be able to explain that I hadn’t abandoned him. No one to tell him that I love him more than anything in this world.
And so I know that I can’t do that to Kirk. The love I have for him pales in comparison to the love he has shown me in his life thus far. I have been so lucky to have him as my family, my best friend. For that reason, I can’t allow him to have even a moment of that pain.
Tonight he stopped my tears and made sure I lived to see the new year.
Tonight, Kirk saved my life.
[End of journal entry]
While I believe I am making progress with my mental health, it’s not an overnight fix. Intrusive thoughts still plague my day-to-day and are immensely terrifying. I am blessed with friends and family and my precious dog Kirk to help keep me going.
If it wasn’t for Kirk, there are days or maybe weeks where I wouldn’t have left my apartment. There have absolutely been days where I didn’t want to leave bed and couldn’t find something to feel grateful for. That is, until I watch Kirk bound toward me, smiling wide, as I grab his harness for a walk. Kirk has brought me immense joy on my darkest of days. If only for a moment.
I know that I am not alone in my struggles.
Tomorrow, Wednesday January 24th, is Bell Let’s Talk day; Dedicated to moving mental health forward in Canada and fighting the stigma, Bell Let’s Talk promotes awareness, acceptance and action while supporting world class research and improving access to necessary care.
One of the biggest hurdles for anyone struggling with mental illness is overcoming the stigma attached to it. Talking is an important first step and in talking about my own journey, I hope it reminds you that you’re not alone. In talking about this season of my life, I’m taking the power out of those intrusive thoughts and breaking the feeling of isolation that comes with them.
I hope that you know this is a safe space for you. I hope that you know that you are loved, are worthy of joy and that the world is a better place because you are in it. I hope you know that whatever you may be struggling with from PTSD to Postpartum Depression, OCD or ADHD and everything in between, there are resources available and that you are not alone.
On that note, I hope to see you here next Tuesday 🤍